I was recently asked to give advice to a reader who was having difficulty tearing up her credit cards. She was caught in the common dilemma of living beyond her means. She wanted to buy her family nice things, yet she knew she shouldn’t. They couldn’t really afford it and they were falling deeper and deeper in debt. She felt she had lost control of the situation. Many families, all over the world, are in the same predicament.

First of all, making ends meet is very difficult today. It takes hard work, discipline and compromise. Very few of us can truly have it all or buy it all. Here are some tips on making the most of the money you have:

• Learn the difference between “wants”and “needs”.

 In our contemporary society, we’ve become brainwashed to believe that our wants are our needs, and we should have them regardless of the consequences. The style of buying now and paying later will only cause you and your family stress as you try to climb out of debt.   It only becomes harder and harder over time. There is a price that you pay. You are setting up a trap of living with the stress of always trying to catch up with yourself because you can’t afford yourself and your style. Be very clear about the difference between buying what you absolutely need vs. what would be nice to have.

• Buy only what you need until you can afford to buy the extras.  Pay off your credit cards at the end of each month.

 For example, try this technique (it works!): When you’re out shopping, just before you walk up to the cash register and pay for an item, stop and ask yourself whether you really need it. On most occasions, you’ll put it back on the shelf. You can also look at the expenditures that you’ve made over the last 3-6 months. Then categorize each as a want or absolute need. Be as honest with yourself as you can. Add up the money that you would still have if you didn’t spend that money. It could have gone toward paying off your credit card debt.  

• Know the difference between “can’t” and “won’t”.

 There is a great price to pay for confusing the two. It costs you a positive and powerful sense of yourself—that you can control money instead of it controlling you. You know what you must do, but you won’t do it. You’ve convinced yourself that you can’t and that’s a barrier for future success. You’re setting yourself up to be a money victim instead of a money master. The payoff of a positive sense of yourself will be the greatest reward for getting control of your money.

• Acknowledge and prioritize what’s important to you .

 Giving your family the best of everything is giving them what is often intangible—love, nurturing, and the feeling of safety and security. With a pile of bills, what you are giving yourself and your family is a feeling of insecurity and stress, which is just the opposite off what you want. The real danger is that you are setting up family patterns that will be passed on from generation to generation. Modeling is very powerful.  Children learn by example.

• Habits are tough to break, but there are great rewards in breaking bad habits and learning more positive ones. Start today.

 Any kind of behavior change takes effort and courage. One of the greatest rewards we can give ourselves is making a commitment to reward ourselves with peace of mind and financial security. Money only buys us the best of everything if we make the best use of it.